He Wins, She Wins: The Art of Marital Negotiation

October 11

Eighteen years and still fighting…

Hubby and I have been married 18 years.  We’ve been through rough patches.  Then, as the kiddos got older we went through a season of bliss.  We had more free time and we really connected as a couple.

Then, an unexpected surprise came out of nowhere.  Parents of teenagers, we found out we were expecting a baby!  We love baby A., but as with every baby, our free time went bye-bye!

We have been fighting — nothing physical, just arguments and unresolved issues.  We make up.  We fight some more.  It’s an exhausting game of ping pong.

So comes along He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation.  I read that book with hopes of finding a solution.

  • I related to the wife in some of the situations presented in the book.
  • I felt bad for the husband (and my own) when I heard ‘my story’ being told by the author.  What was I doing to my poor husband?
  • I felt a little embarrassed having my own techniques, which don’t work anyway, shared in the book as marriage destroyers.

Yet, the author illustrated these often common scenarios to show us that we are not alone and then offer exhausted couples a solution.

The author sounds very convincing and I’m ready to put the book to work.  My husband doesn’t like to read and will tune me out if I’m long winded.  So, I plan to text excerpts of the book to him — just enough to get his attention.  Hopefully, he’ll see things from my perspective and also see that I am trying to do my part in getting back to that marital love boat we once were on, or at least become a better, more enjoyable life partner.

Awesome book, Mr. Harley!

I received this book as part of the Revell Blog Tour in exchange for my honest review.  Your copy is available October 2013 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

Cover Art


About the Book

Every conflict in your marriage is an opportunity to fall more deeply in love.

You’ve probably heard a lot of advice on how to resolve conflicts in your marriage. What you may not know is that if a resolution comes only in order to keep the peace, it’s no resolution at all. Marriage expert Willard F. Harley, Jr., says there’s a better way.

What’s different about the He Wins, She Wins approach is the ultimate goal–for you and your spouse to grow in your love for each other. This win-win model for negotiation starts with a simple rule: Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. 

Think that sounds impossible? In this book, Dr. Harley will show you how it’s been done in his marriage of over fifty years–and in the marriages of the thousands of couples he’s counseled. He’ll explain the art of marital negotiation, show you how to resolve common conflicts the right way, and help you overcome these common obstacles:

· emotional reactions are preventing calm discussion
· neither of you wants to talk about an issue
· one or both of you are indecisive
· one of you is happy with the status quo
· being enthusiastic about anything doesn’t seem possible

And above all, he’ll show you how every decision you make together will increase your love for each other.

Have conflicts and disagreements been piling up between you and your spouse? Do you find yourself wondering when it’s all just going to boil over?

If so, this book is for you.

With laser-like precision, Dr. Harley gets to the heart of marital conflicts and offers a time-tested way to resolve them. Then he walks you through the five most common sources of conflict in marriage:

· friends and family
· career and time management
· finances
· children
· sex

Finally, he shows you how to overcome obstacles to resolving marital conflicts the right way.

About the Author

Willard F. Harley, Jr., is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including His Needs, Her NeedsFive Steps to Romantic LoveLove Busters; and Surviving an Affair. Harley’s most popular book, His Needs, Her Needs, is now available as a video curriculum for churches and small groups. His website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem. He and his wife, Joyce, host a daily radio call-in show, Marriage Builders Radio, that can be heard on radio stations nationwide and on his website.

Grab your copy of He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation  or learn more about the book at Baker Publishing Group.

1 Comment

  • Reply
    Michelle DeRusha
    October 30 at 11:28 am

    Tami, Thank you for your comment over at my place today. I left you a comment there, asking if you had read Emily Freeman’s new book “A Million Little Ways,” but then i thought I’d come right over here and ask you. She writes exactly about the question you raised in your comment: whether it’s important to pursue creativity and art, at whatever stage we are at in life.

    I got an extra copy of Emily’s book at the Allume conference, and I’d like to mail it to you (if you don’t think that’s too creepy!).

    If you are interested, please email me your mailing address: michellederusha1@gmail.com — and I will put the book in the mail to you this week.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.