After I wrote about my terrific husband yesterday and the 7 Reasons I Love Him, I got mad at him. He did two things to upset me. So, I pouted and didn’t say much to him. {the silent treatment}
Then, I read the comments you left me. {Did you get my reply?} I was reminded of the great things I had shared about him earlier.
Then, I had a “What if?” thought. A friend of mine lost her husband recently. Her world has been turned upside down. Losing my husband would do the same to me. So, why am I wasting the days God has blessed us with?
4 Steps to a Pout-Free Marriage
So, how can I better spend my days married to my husband?
1. Sincerely Consider the Outcome
I need to really consider what upset me in the first place and decide if it is truly worth the trouble my reaction brings to the table. Will my pouting make things better or worse between the two of us? It almost always worsens the situation. Not only does it upset him because I haven’t told him directly what the the problem is, the pouting or silent treatment takes the focus off of the problem and puts the focus on me being in a mood. Problem never addressed!
2. Pray About It
I need to pray about the matter, if time permits, and ask the Lord of it is worthy of a discussion with my spouse.
3. Sit Down with the Hubby and Talk {Not Pout}
If it is something that does need to be addressed, then I need to handle it better. Instead of pouting and hoping to get his attention or my way, which by the way doesn’t work, I need to find a good time to sit down with him and talk about the matter at hand.
4. Be Prepared to Listen
During the discussion, I need to have open ears to hear my husband’s take on the situation. He may have a valid reason for saying what he said or doing what he did. My viewpoint may be a little one-sided. Look at it from his perspective.
Leave a comment: Can you relate to what I’m sharing? Are you a pouter? Is your husband the recipient of the silent treatment? Are you willing to test these 4 steps and see where it leads you in your relationship?
I read Getting the Love You Want when I was younger and that really helped me understand the connection of my past and how to overcome communication issues with those you love instead of hinder them. Usually we are our worst enemy. I love my husband more than anyone and we both had to learn to work together and not against each other (which wasn’t intentional – just learned behavior from our past) on everything. We’ve been through so much and 13 years we have been together and 10 years of marriage in October. Pretty neat when you consider I met him at 15 and started dating a few weeks after I turned 21! I agree, effective communication is such a huge key!
I’ll have to look for that book. 🙂
Oh yeah, this hit home. I am a HUGE pouter. It’s like I haven’t grown up from my childhood, it’s crazy like that. When I was young, whenever I didn’t get my way or something went wrong I would go pout somewhere. It was usually with my grandparents. They would either give it and/or not make me talk about my problem. No one made me sit down and sort out my feelings to resolve the issue. So, throughout my years of marriage whenever stuff like this would occur, hubby had to beat (not literally) it out of me. I know how to shut down very well. When I shut down, you’re not getting a darn thing out of me. I don’t want to be like that, I want to communicate and resolve. Things have gotten better over the years, but I still have my moments. Part of me is still a spoiled brat and I’m afraid that’ll never completely go away. =/ But anyway, there’s part of my life story! Thanks for all the great posts!
Your ‘life story’ sounds so familiar. :). We just need to be intentional about our choices on a daily basis and lean on God’s strength.
Yes, I am a pouter. I had to admit it, but I am and I know it drives my hubby crazy! I do need to try not to be this way anymore, especially as my toddler continues to get older because I don’t want her seeing that and thinking its ok to pout like that. I’m willing to test all of the steps, except the praying on it (I;m catholic, but not really practicing) and see if it can help change my pouty ways. Great post! Now following via G+.
I agree with you. Stop it before your toddler catches on. I have a 14 year old daughter. In addition to the normal teenage moody packaging, she has my temper and impatience. If only I’d worked on my own character before I had children…
Thank you for this post! I have the “pouting” reaction a lot, too, and you are right, it is not helping the situation at all. My husband and I promised each other to always ‘talk it out’, and it seems that went by the wayside at some point. This whole article has made me think about our original promises, and remember why we made them in the first place.
I’m glad to be of help to someone. When I wrote the post (and like other posts I’ve written), I was writing it with the finger pointing at myself. 🙂
I like the reminder to both communicate and actively listen. I’ve seen all to often(and been guilty of myself) when spouses choose to spout off all of the things they feel are going wrong and then completely dismiss any discussion their partner wants to put out there.
Great post, fantastic advice!
I’m guilty of doing that exact thing!
Great advice – I am not the worlds greatest listener – I’m trying though to grow and become better at it.
Oh, me too! I’d rather be heard than listen. Not a good quality, huh?
all 4 of these steps are critical in a marriage. I especially love the pray about it and be prepared to listen. Thanks for sharing this
These two of the hardest for me! I’m just not much of a listener.
I am definitely a pouter. I try not to be, but it always happens. He’ll do something (or not do something) to upset me. I will think I’m fine with it. Then the next thing you know I am practically tripping over my bottom lip. It usually progresses from there to angry and slamming pots and pans around. Then we will sit down and cuddle, have a talk about why I’m upset, and I will feel much better. I love my husband and I love our happy endings to my pouting. Nothing beats a nice cuddle after a pout.
I’m just afraid one of these days my hubby will get tired of it and it’ll be past the point of repair.
I worry about that too. I also know that I put up with as much from him as he does with me. He has his moods and I have my moods and we deal with them. He needs more space during his moodiness and then he’s better. I need less space usually! We tend to get over things together really quickly. I think that all in all, we fight less than most couples we know, so I think we will be ok.